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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965907">Know Your Worth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sudsyjellyfish/pseuds/sudsyjellyfish'>sudsyjellyfish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(minor but just in case), Angst, Bacara needs therapy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Loathing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:33:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965907</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sudsyjellyfish/pseuds/sudsyjellyfish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bacara has arrived on Concord Dawn, but that doesn't mean everything is magically fixed. Rex receives a reminder of the importance of Healthy Adult Communication TM.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>CC-1138 | Bacara/CT-7567 | Rex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Open Source Soft Wars</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The general situation and characterizations are inspired by Project0506's Soft Wars series and by CmonCmon's and sheApunk89's works about Bacara - please go read them if you haven't already, they're all incredibl!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bacara struggles to break from his conditioning by the JP.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bacara’s first days on Concord Dawn were a blur. The numbness that had threatened to overtake him for the past three years was a close, constant presence that smoothed out his memories of reuniting with Rex, of making their way to their temporary lodgings, of his struggle to contain his relief and avoid falling apart.</p><p>
  <em>You have to control your emotions. Nobody will respect a leader who can’t keep himself together. </em>
</p><p>He had orders (both official and not) to rest and recover from Nova’s final engagement. It would have been simple to find out where his men were bunking; it would have been unthinkable to insert himself into their celebrations, their mourning. </p><p>
  <em>You don’t deserve to join them. </em>
</p><p>Rex had no such orders - or if he did, he was ignoring them (<em> undisciplined </em>). He spent his days running himself ragged trying to help the Vod’Alor, his men from the 501st, and presumably anyone else he ran into who seemed lost or uncertain. Unable to convince himself to venture out of their small room, Bacara spent hours alone, struggling to not feel completely useless. Each night, he mentally rehearsed how he would greet Rex, how he could best support him through his stress and exhaustion.</p><p>
  <em>Don’t let him see your weakness. You cannot become yet another burden on his shoulders.</em>
</p><p>And each evening, when Rex returned to their room, he would offer Bacara a hurried hello, perhaps a hug, before falling back into his seemingly-endless stacks of datapads or his constantly-full inboxes. On a good night, Rex might spend a few minutes telling Bacara stories from his day, creating a constant stream of chatter with barely enough room for Bacara to react. Soon enough, however, the flood of notifications would succeed in claiming Rex’s attention once again, and he would be lost to Bacara for the rest of the night.</p><p>It never even crossed Bacara’s mind to criticize Rex’s inattention. Of course he understood that many of the vod'e were overwhelmed with the dizzying mix of freedom and responsibility they had been thrust into. And of course Rex was unable to let a single lost sheep walk by without attempting to fold it into his flock - it was simply his nature. Of course Bacara understood -</p><p>- <em> he was not a priority, he would never deserve to be anybody’s priority.  </em></p><p>Bacara forced himself to instead be grateful for what he did have. When Rex finally did slip into their shared bed, com link still in hand, Bacara was able to press close to him and bask in this taste of the intimacy he had always denied himself while isolated with the Novas. What did it matter if Rex kept his back to him, or if Bacara was always aware of the light from the screen that still claimed his attention? Just the fact that Rex had allowed him into his room, into his bunk, was still beyond Bacara’s understanding. To ask for anything else, even just a few moments of Rex’s focus, would have been far more than he deserved. To have any expectations at all was more than he deserved.</p><p>
  <em>You will never be worth his attention. (His love does not bear thinking about.) </em>
</p><p>Maybe if he told himself that enough times, it would finally sink in, and he would finally stop being disappointed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rex gets a kick in the pants from his ori'vod</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Many thanks to dridri93 and sheApunk89 for their lovely comments on the first chapter, which inspired me to get this written much more quickly than I had expected!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rex was almost embarrassed by how long it took him to realize what was going on. Well, no. If he was being honest with himself, he was downright ashamed. After three years of lecturing Jedi and vode alike about the importance of open communication and maintaining their relationships, it was almost unbelievable that he had been making such an obvious mistake. Especially considering that he didn’t even figure it out on his own.</p><p> </p><p>About a tenday after the Nova’s arrival on Concord Dawn, the massive stacks of paperwork on Cody’s desk were finally starting to dwindle. Rex pulled a stack of datapads towards him and began checking through the updated requisition forms: building materials, food, <em> oh kriff, we’re going to need more bedding… </em>Lost in thought, he barely noticed that Cody had leaned back in his chair and was watching him fondly.</p><p>“Vod’ika, we’ve been at this for hours, and you look like death. Let’s wrap up for the night, we can finish this tomorrow,” Cody suggested.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right, I should head home soon,” Rex replied distractedly, not looking up from his datapad.</p><p>“Already calling your new bunk home, huh?” Cody’s genuine smile betrayed the emotion that was otherwise hidden by his teasing tone. “And how has Bacara been adjusting?”</p><p>Rex glanced up briefly, his eyebrows creasing as he struggled to form a proper response. After a moment’s hesitation, he managed, “He’s been.. uh, I think he’s been doing well?”</p><p>Cody’s eyes narrowed as he sat up slightly, shifting into a less-relaxed posture. “You <em> think </em>? What does that mean?”</p><p>Rex finally paused and fully met Cody’s eyes, feeling a bit of anxiety start to worm its way into his chest. Cody held his gaze and leaned forward, placing a comforting hand on Rex’s knee as he wrestled with his words.</p><p>“He hasn’t been talking much when I’ve been home. I guess I’ve been a bit distracted with all of <em> this </em>,” Rex eventually answered, gesturing to Cody’s desk, “but I’m sure he’d have said something if it was bothering him.”</p><p>Cody looked down at his hands, unsure of how to respond. He had never taken pleasure in hurting any of the vode, even when it was necessary to protect them or make them stronger. Still, his shift from Marshall Commander to Vod’Alor had only made him feel more responsible for his brothers, and Bacara’s safety and happiness were more important than protecting Rex’s feelings. Finally, he steeled himself and posed his question with as little judgement in his voice as possible: “Would he?”</p><p>It took less than a second for Rex to crumple under the weight of his guilt. He didn’t show it, of course - after so long in command, only someone who knew him as well as Cody did would have recognized that his straightened posture and deliberate stillness were meant to disguise a sudden surge of emotion. It wasn’t until Cody had moved to kneel next to Rex’s chair and gathered him into his arms that Rex truly fell apart, shuddering and gasping for breath in his ori’vod’s embrace.</p><p>“Shh, Rex’ika. You will both be okay,” Cody whispered, rubbing the back of Rex’s neck like they were back on Kamino. Rex continued to shake in his arms, and he had to repeatedly fight to regulate his breathing as he lost his composure several more times. </p><p>After many long minutes, when Rex was calmer and mostly in control of himself, Cody guided him back into an upright position and looked him firmly in the eye. “Okay, so you karked this one up. What are you going to do about it?”</p><p>Rex flinched, but accepted his brother’s assessment of the situation. He gently pulled Cody’s forehead to his before standing and falling into a mock attention. “Permission to take tomorrow off, ‘Alor?”</p><p>“Granted. And if you come within half a klick of this building, I’ll set the Wolfpack on you - I know they’ve been bored lately,” Cody replied, smiling.</p><p>Rex tried and failed to smother his grin. “Thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s somebody important waiting for me at home.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, not exactly the Conversation I promised, but I felt it was important to establish Rex's state of mind and perspective. Next chapter, for real this time: Healthy Adult Communication</p><p>Mando'a<br/>vode: brothers<br/>vod'ika: little brother<br/>Vod'Alor: leader of the clones' clan<br/>ori'vod: big brother<br/>Rex'ika: little Rex</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's time to Communicate, folks</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Consistent chapter length and writing style? I've never met her. <br/>Once again, thank you to the incredibly kind commenters for motivating me to get us here!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As eager as he was to see Bacara and begin making things right, Rex took his time walking from Cody’s office to their bunk; this was not a conversation to rush into. He knew that, for their relationship to have any chance to grow into something healthy and fulfilling, they would need to be on the same page. It was important not only to discuss and resolve their current situation, but also to ensure that Bacara felt safe bringing up other issues in the future. That meant, for the time being, Rex couldn’t show even a hint of a negative reaction to Bacara’s feelings - there would be time to rebalance things once Bacara had been able to recover from the Journeyman Protectors’ conditioning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rex’s fists clenched involuntarily at the thought of Bacara’s trainers and the damage they had done to him. Mando or not, the kind of people who could make a child believe they were unlovable should never have been allowed around any of the vode. He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Focus on the present, what I can do to help him now. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Rex approached the door to the small room he and Bacara shared, he gave himself one final moment to breathe calmly</span>
  <em>
    <span>. It’s just an honest conversation about our feelings. If Anakin can manage it, so can we.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bacara did not jump at the sound of their door sliding open at least two hours before he expected Rex to be home. He was, however, halfway through grabbing his deece from under their bed before he registered Rex as a non-threat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for startling you,” Rex said, almost sheepishly. “Cody sent me home early, said something about ‘looking like death.’”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bacara hummed his agreement, noting the bags under Rex’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was hoping we could talk, if that’s okay with you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took Bacara a moment to place Rex’s tone; it was one he had hardly ever heard from him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s… nervous?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rex began to shift uncomfortably, and Bacara realized he had been silent for too long. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Do better. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Yes, of course, what’s wrong?” he forced out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve been stressed, obviously. It seems like there’s always more work to do, and I can practically feel the pressure Cody’s put on himself to pull everything off perfectly.” Almost instinctively, Bacara reached out to lay a comforting hand on Rex’s back, but Rex caught his wrist and shifted to hold both of Bacara’s hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>But</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Rex said firmly, holding Bacara’s gaze, “none of that is any excuse for how I’ve been treating you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For… for what?” Bacara’s mind raced as he struggled to make Rex’s words align with his memories of the past tenday.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bacara, I don’t want to put words in your mouth, but I think I may have been hurting you, and I think it would be good to talk about that.” Rex was speaking more slowly than normal and seemed to be choosing his words carefully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean.” Bacara focused on the grounding feeling of Rex’s thumbs rubbing soft circles on his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for telling me, you’re doing great,” Rex said gently. He paused for a moment before asking, “Can you tell me how you’ve been doing since you’ve gotten here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Although he was slightly confused at the apparent change of subject, Bacara was relieved to have a direct question to answer. “I’m grateful to be here. Relieved to be done fighting, that I won’t have to see any more of my men die,” he said, almost by rote. He was intensely aware of the debt he owed to his ‘Alor, and it was important that Rex knew that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rex smiled and nodded. “I’m also glad you and your men are safe. But how are you, Bacara, doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bacara opened his mouth to answer, but no words came. Three years of strength, control, of making sure his men never saw his weaknesses. Three years of lying through his teeth, so often that even he had begun to believe he was alright. And now it seemed that three years was his limit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rex let go of one of Bacara’s hands to gently rub his thumb along Bacara’s cheek. Bacara hadn’t realized he was crying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I thought I would feel less alone.” It’s barely a whisper, but it seems to take more energy than an hour of sparring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for sharing that with me, Bacara.” Rex continued cupping his cheek. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been home or present enough, especially since you just got here.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bacara tore his eyes away from Rex and stared down at Rex’s hand in his. “I’m being selfish. You’re doing so much to help the tate, you can’t stop just because I’m being weak.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bacara, the work I’ve been doing with Cody is important, but I never want you to think it’s more important to me than you. I’ve been acting like that was a given, something that doesn’t need to be said, but that’s not fair to you. And I haven’t been doing a very good job showing it, either.” He gently tipped Bacara’s face so he could meet his eyes again. “I’m going to do better, cyare. I’ll be here for you. And I know it’s going to take time to internalize this, but please try to believe me - it’s the least you deserve, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bacara managed to nod, but he was sure his uncertainty and discomfort showed clearly on his face. To his surprise, Rex didn’t seem to mind, and he even seemed to relax a bit. Bacara decided to push his luck and leaned further into Rex’s hand. Rex smiled softly and gently pulled Bacara in to lean against his shoulder. Bacara’s chest tightened, and he felt like crying again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rex ran his hand through Bacara’s hand as he promised, “I will always, always be ready to hear what you have to say.” His hand paused, and he added, “But I can’t help fix something if I don’t know what’s wrong.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bacara sighed softly. “I’ll do my best,” he offered. Surprising even himself, he sat up and somewhat clumsily placed his forehead against Rex’s. He felt Rex’s breathing stutter for a moment before returning to its usual calm, steady rhythm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ni ceta, cyare,” Rex whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bacara forced himself to pause, to ignore his initial instinct to comfort Rex. Instead, he pushed more firmly into the Keldabe and concentrated on the feeling of being held, heard, and loved. After a few moments, he pulled back enough to meet Rex’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re going to be alright.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn’t meant it as a question, but Rex, his eyes shining, replied, “Yes, I think we will.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>They've obviously got some more work to do, but I hope this is a satisfying end to this story!</p>
<p>Mando'a<br/>Mando: Mandalorian<br/>vode: brothers<br/>'Alor: short for Vod'Alor, the clones' clan leader (Cody!)<br/>tate: brothers (Journeyman Protectors dialect)<br/>cyare: beloved, my love<br/>ni ceta: I'm sorry (intense, literally: I kneel)<br/>Keldabe: Keldabe kiss, sign of affection between Mandalorians</p>
        </blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29948061">Every Burden, Layette Down</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trudemaethien/pseuds/Trudemaethien">Trudemaethien</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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